


Mask Of Many Faces

by Angel Ascending (angel_in_ink)



Series: Short and Sweet (Fics of About 1000 Words or Less) [21]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Emotional Hurt, F/M, Fjord Is Not Okay, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Spoilers for Episode 42 of Campaign 2, past sexual trauma, past trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-16
Updated: 2018-11-16
Packaged: 2019-08-24 16:11:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16643489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angel_in_ink/pseuds/Angel%20Ascending
Summary: Fjord's fine. At least, that's what he keeps telling everyone, that's the mask he hides behind. But even the best masks can slip... and break...





	Mask Of Many Faces

They’re headed back to the Menagerie Coast, back to Nicodranas, and Fjord is fine. He is. The wind is in his hair and the ship’s deck creaks and he can taste salt on his lips and he’s fine. Clouds are gathering on the horizon and he’s giving orders, confident and sure. The ship pitches and rocks, waves coming up over the bow and he’s fine. He’s not waiting for the explosion, the heat, the water closing over his head, the darkness filling his lungs. He’s not. He’s fine.

After the storm, after he knows everyone is safe, he goes into the captain’s quarters, _his_ quarters, and hides his face in his hands, tears mixing with the salt spray and dripping through his fingers.

*****

They’re back in Zadash, at the Steam’s Respite, and it’s not the first bath house Fjord has been to since their adventures on the sea. Yet when he slips into the water and looks around at his friends, all he sees is the interior of the temple on Urukaxl, Caduceus floating limp, Jester choking, drowning, the blood of Yuan-Ti darkening the water….

“Fjord?” Caduceus looks at him with concern, awake and alive and whole. “Are you all right? You looked pretty far away just now.”

Fjord can feel everyone’s eyes on him, as many eyes as the leviathan whom he still calls his patron has amongst his scales. Fjord passes a hand over face as if he’s tired, securing his mask of easy-going friendliness as he does.

“I’m all right,” Fjord drawls, tone soft and meant to soothe, meant to placate. No need to worry about him. He’s not a bother to anyone, no one has to take up their time with his concerns. “I’m fine.”

Fjord doesn’t know if Caduceus believes him or not, he’s too busy smiling so he doesn’t scream at the feeling of water against his skin.

*****

Fjord has been kissing Jester for what feels like hours and he never wants to stop. She smiles against his lips and she kisses him like he’s something sweet she wants to taste, like something she wants to savor, but not devour, and when her hands touch his bare chest he almost embarrasses himself then and there, because gods, how long has he wanted this, her skin on his? Since that moment on the Mistake, looking at jellyfish glowing under the water like stars in the sky.

They’re both lying on their sides as they make out in the narrow inn bed, and when Jester pulls back from his lips with a grin, Fjord grins back at her. She giggles and suddenly her hands are on his arms and he’s on his back and she’s straddling him and—

_Avantika straddles Fjord, weight holding him down, her hands pinning his wrists to the bed. “You’re going to be good for me, aren’t you?” Her voice is a purr as dangerous and as deadly as a manticore and her body looms over his like a wave and he’s in over his head and he has to do this, has to protect the group has to be a distraction has to has to has to—_

“No, don’t, please don’t, stop, I don’t—“ Someone is saying all the words he couldn’t say before, and the taste of salt is on Fjord’s lips, and it takes him a moment to realize his face is wet with tears and not salt spray and that the words are coming out of his own mouth. He’s backed up against the headboard and Jester is staring at him from the foot of the bed with her hands drawn close to her chest.

_“_ Fjord? Fjord, what’s wrong? I thought—I didn’t mean to—“

Fjord closes his mouth so hard that his teeth clack together and tries to steady his breathing, tries to tell her he’s fine, that he’s sorry for scaring her, worrying her, tries to smile, but all of his masks fall through his trembling mental fingers as he struggles to put them on. Instead he reaches out for her, holds her close as they lay on the bed side by side, neither one above the other _,_ and shakes himself to pieces as his facade breaks apart like porcelain falling to the floor.

**Author's Note:**

> This was not the fic I had planned today, (I have so many fics. So many plans.) but I got the image of the last scene in my head and then I couldn't not write it, and write some more to go around it, all the while mumbling apologies. 
> 
> I'm angel-ascending over on Tumblr if y'all want to drop by and say hi!


End file.
